10/8/2015
As is likely true with many mothers' first babies, Kate came late. I of course had heard so many stories of women having their babies early; naturally I thought I would have mine early, which made week 40 extra unbearable. Kate was an easy pregnancy, but boy was I ready for her to come out.
I started having contractions the night before we were already scheduled to be induced (at 41 weeks). Ben said, "just wait, we're going in the morning anyway," thinking it was probably a false alarm because most first time moms go in for a false alarm, right? I knew after a while that these were not false contractions, and this only proved to be more true when I was in sneering pain once we were only half way to the hospital. Even with those painful contractions, I was apparently not dilated and before they realized that I was actually in labor, one of the nurses said I'd probably have to walk around for a while (I could barely move or breath, so that wasn't going to happen).
Once the nurses gave me a mild drug, I started dilating quickly and we had Kate somewhere around 6 or 7 am, after only being at the hospital for about 6 hours. Yes I had an epidural, and yes it was amazing because I was at complete peace even while pushing. I love modern medicine;-)
I remember it being dark because the sun hadn't come up yet and possibly because my eyes were blurry from lack of sleep. I was ready to get out of that hospital within a few hours (it's not my favorite place) but a pediatrician came in to tell us that Kate would need to stay in the hospital for a week in order to receive antibiotics. We were heartbroken at the time, but now we look back and realize it was no big deal - mostly just precautionary. Still, it is really hard to leave your baby in a hospital and go home without a baby. I felt like I barely got to see her and all I wanted to do was hold her and make sure she knew I was her mom. I remember being afraid that she wouldn't bond with me. She did, and it all turned out just fine:-)
I felt bad for Mom because she had come a week before my due date, and since Kate came a week after my due date, I imagine she was ready to get home. When we told her Kate would not even be coming home for a week, she was good enough to stay anyway at least until I healed a bit. Lots of family came to visit Kate in the hospital, and the room was so tiny! I definitely wished that people would just visit us at home, but then again, I liked to just be left alone at home as well. Looking back I feel like it's weird that I felt that way because really when you have a baby you should just want to show them off, right? I think I felt that way with William. I think I was just overwhelmed and didn't want to feel like people were looking at me.
Kate had a good first year and Ben and I adjusted to parenthood as well as any parent does (without sleep and with the help of a little caffeine) but she definitely had stranger issues; she screamed if anyone even looked at her. Once she was old enough to be in nursery, you can guess that one of us had to be in there with her. I have pouted about this one too many times and have often thought that we did something wrong to make her this afraid of people or this attached to us; now that we have Will, we can see that this is simply unique to Kate. She has definitely made strides. While we still cannot leave her in nursery, she will stay with a babysitter and she actual enjoys it. This has meant the world to us because we can finally go on dates!
Most importantly, I love my little girl. I have experienced growth in my capacity to love more than I could have anticipated. My love for my husband has also deepened as I have seen him be protective of Kate and enjoy her Kate-ness. It has been a beautiful blessing to see God's plan of happiness unfold in my own life.
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